Grief
Noun – Definition: intense sorrow, especially caused by someone’s death.

This is going to be a short piece. It’s not really so much a blog post, but more a recognition of something that has happened, an acknowledgment.

Unless you were raised in an extremely progressive home, I’d be bold enough to say that no one is really raised to know how to deal with grief. It’s almost like a big monster that creeps up on you once someone you loved or cared about has left this world. It surprises you, sometimes even scares you, and we’re not educated with how to deal with our grief or emotions.

From a young age we aren’t taught how to deal with grief; I’m not sure if it’s a British ‘stiff-upper-lip’ thing or whether it’s just put down to being too sad to teach to children. It’s almost deemed weak to acknowledge your suffering publicly. Society teaches us that to move on after someone’s passing we must forget, or pretend like such awful thing never happened, and that the quicker you move on the faster you will heal.

If you were taught differently, you’re very lucky. I don’t know where or how I learned to deal with my emotions, usually I can proudly say I’m in tune with my feelings. But I can safely say my relationship with my grief, after the loss of my nephew Joshua, is an unhealthy one. A monster that has taken 11 months to creep up on me, and now it’s here, I don’t know how to deal with it.

People are designed to be born, to live a full life and then, surrounded by their loved ones, they will pass on. But how are you meant to deal with the loss of a loved one who never truly lived? How can you process the loss of a life so pure, it didn’t deserve to leave us. When my nephew passed away, it redesigned the definition of “gone too soon” for me. Every loss that had come before paled in insignificance to the loss of him, and instead of dealing with my pain, I pushed it to one side.

Grief and mourning are two words that are so often brought together in harmony, but in a way are two very separate things. Mourning is a time period that lasts for however long for the individual. But usually after a period of time mourning will leave you, and you will begin to see the light of the future and your life will begin to flood with new memories and happiness again.

Grief is something that never leaves you; it’s that time you think of a memory you spent with a loved one, it’s placing flowers on a graveside, it’s that sharp intake of breath every time you remember that your life goes on but they’re not here to share it with you.

I believe you can only begin the healing process by acknowledging your grief, taking it by the hand, sitting it down and having a good old chat with it. Your grief is there for a reason, and it will continue to haunt you until you understand what it wants, and why it’s making you feel the way you feel. I’ve spent so many years pretending to be strong and acting like everything is okay every time I’ve lost a friend or grandparent. But the loss of Joshua has taught me I cannot move forward neglecting my emotions; I must recognise that monster and let it in, only then will I learn it’s not such a monster after all, but just another emotion to add to my technicolour array of feelings I feel every single day.

As a family we remember my nephew by talking about his legacy. Even though he lived for such a short amount of time, his impact was magnificent. His footprint has imprinted with so many people for so many different reasons. I think I have realised today that Joshua’s legacy for me is to always understand and accept my grief, and know it’s that that makes me human. I will never again be ashamed to grieve, and neither should you.

Want to learn more, find support for child loss or follow Joshua’s Legacy?
My sister-in-law runs a wonderful Instagram in memory of my nephew and other babies and children gone too soon.
Click here to take a look: Joshua’s Legacy

All Rights Reserved - Georgie Glass 2018 ®

Sometimes it’s easier to tackle the everyday challenges of life by pretending to be in someone else’s shoes. Whether it be something as simple as figuring out how the blasted percolator works at the office, to telling that guy you’re just not that into him. Most of the time it’s easier to have an out of body experience, and for a moment it’s someone else’s problem. Most of the time I find myself asking anyone who will listen “what would Carrie Bradshaw do?”

I discovered Sex and the City later in life; I had most of my 20-something friends tell me (up until quite recently) they couldn’t believe I had never seen it. That mine and Carrie’s lives had so many similarities, that it was almost comical I had never seen the show. After binging on series 1-6 in under 2 months, I was hooked. So much so, I got myself straight on Depop and purchased my now ‘never leave home without it staple’ Miss February Playboy necklace, in homage to Miss Bradshaw herself. With that in mind, I’ve comprised the 4 most influential things that Carrie taught me.

1. Don’t trust men, trust good shoes

Mock all you like, but I have never felt like I could take on the world more than when I’m wearing my sassiest pair of high heels. Okay so my bank balance doesn’t quite yet support Manolo Blahnik’s, but when I’m wearing my favourite pair of shoes and I’ve just bossed my first meeting before 11am, I can almost feel myself getting closer to walking in Carrie’s second hand stilettos.

2. Don’t settle

In work, in life, or in love – because you’re worth more than that. Live life the way you want to live it, don’t objectify yourself or let the judgement of others get to you in this evolving social media world. Also remember your idea of settling might be someone’s idea of heaven. Don’t cast your shade upon others especially when you don’t want to be judged yourself. Don’t be that girl. Just embrace your own little world, and work on you. Refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.

3. Don’t forget to fall in love with yourself first

I wouldn’t have met the love of my life without Sex and the City; fact. I wandered through life, awash with the mistakes of the men of ghosts past, thinking that a man would come along and save me (something not so easy to admit…) People would always say to me ‘the right guy will come along, when you least expect him’ – do one. The best piece of advice I was ever given was the longest relationship you have in life, is the relationship with yourself. You’ve got to love no1 before you can love anyone else. It’s a battle everyday, some days I really don’t like me (something again, not so easy to admit).

It was only when I fully accepted who I was as a person, and I was happy just doing me, was when I met the one. I don’t think I would have approached him first, without Carrie’s voice ringing in my ears. For me to walk over to a man, ask him for his number, and wait eagerly for a reply, was not in my nature. The fact I didn’t care if he said no – that’s what pushed me to ask him. I would have been okay, even if he didn’t want me because well, I still did.

4. Friends first, men second

So this isn’t always at the forefront of Carrie’s thoughts; like when she doesn’t meet the girls for breakfast one episode, because ‘it’s cold and she want’s to stay in with the Russian’. Really girl? Sometimes I find myself wanting to shake her to her senses through my TV set; but she always seems to realise what’s best for her in the end. I feel myself empathising with Carrie, because I know how it feels to be swept off your feet by a man, or work, or some minuscule un-important thing. Good friends will wait, but really for how long? And why should we expect them to wait for us to reemerge from the ether? My friends have supported me through so many turbulent times, and I can honestly say I wouldn’t be the woman I am today without them. Carrie taught me to always value my Samantha, Charlotte, Miranda and even my Stanford.

In hindsight, is it such a compliment being compared to Carrie Bradshaw? It is what some might say, a back-handed compliment. She certainly has her flaws, but isn’t that what makes her human? Carrie embraces elements of womanhood that some femmes I know would never dare to conquer. I can think of worse TV icons to be compared to, so I’ll strive to be a little bit more like my idol, she’s taught me so much thus far. What’s stopping me now?

Have you ever felt a strong association to a TV character? Or even an avid Sex and the City Fan? Let me know in the comments below.

All Rights Reserved - Georgie Glass 2018 ®